Doomsday myths busted – Apocalypse NOT NOW

by Fashion Dude on December 20, 2012

This entire week I’ve been glued to the telly watching all sorts of shows and news pieces on the impending apocalypse tomorrow.  Well, personally I’m hoping it will be just another day like any other but I have to tell you it’s been a bit nerve racking listening and watching all of these predictions.  So, I decided to dive into each one a bit more to put my mind at ease and have a bit of a chuckle at the same time.  Here we go.

The end of the year typically means it is time for celebration, but in 2012 things have gotten a bit crazy and for some a doomsday is immanent.  All kinds of people are getting in on the action and it seems everyone from the ancient Sumerians to UFO abductees believe the world is coming to an end around Dec. 21st or shortly thereafter.  Let’s take a look at some of these apocalyptic predictions and see if we can make any sense out of it all.

mayan calendar prophecy all wrong


  • End of the Mayan Calendar

The most popular and highest media coverage of apocalyptic predictions, this one’s based on good ol’ misinterpretation with a bit of dud info thrown in. The Mayan Long Count Calendar cycle comes in 394-year b’ak’tuns, or cycles, and it was believed that on December 21st it’s the end of the 13th b’ak’tun – which would leave the Mayan calendar showing a long line of zeroes, a bit like the odometer on your car resetting (remember the Y2K bug – how’d that turn out?).

However, unlike their doom & gloom cousins the Aztecs – who essentially looked forward to the end of the world – the Maya had no apocalyptic myths and believed the end of the cycle merely brought about a time of transition. Furthermore, in May earlier this year archaeologists announced new details about the oldest known Mayan calendar, which revealed historians had been wrong all along – there are actually 17 b’ak’tuns in a cycle, not 13.  Well, there goes that whole Mayan prophecy thing then right?


  • Infinite complexity and the I-Ching

Scholarly shaman and mushroom connoisseur Terence McKenna devised this little doozy in the 1970s, after applying a fractal function of his own creation to the I-Ching, an ancient Chinese method of divination. According to McKenna, the 8 predicts that the universe will reach a point of “infinite complexity” on December 21st, 2012, at which point everything possible will happen simultaneously.

The system does seem to show times of “great novelty” (read: “stuff happening”) that creepily align with historical events such as the fall of the Roman Empire and the two World Wars. However, McKenna’s theory was seriously undermined by his claim that it was revealed to him by an alien intelligence after imbibing psychedelic plants in the Amazon jungle.


  • The Bible Code – Comet crush

People have been looking for hidden words in the Bible long before Dan Brown came into the forefront, going all the way back to the Hebrew tradition of Gematria. In the 1970s, Israeli mathematician Eliyahu Rips made claims he used a computer to locate encoded messages in the Book of Genesis.  This was furthered and more popularized by Michael Drosnin in his 1997 book The Bible Code.

Bible Coders are constantly predicting all kinds of things, including a nuclear attack on Israel in 1996, a world war in 2006, Mitt Romney winning the 2012 presidential election (just missed that one!). And the biggie….drumroll please… an earth-shattering comet sometime in 2012. Remember World War 2006?   Exactly, since it didn’t happen, unless of course the whole thing was covered up by government agents using a device on people that they use in MIB & swiping everyone’s memories.

  • Earth Collides with ‘tenth planet’ Niburu

In between inventing the wheel and written language, the Sumerians and Babylonians developed an incredibly advanced system of astronomy .  Even better, according to Zecharia Sitchin, an author who believed the ancient civilizations were in contact with aliens, they knew about the existence of a tenth planet.  Say what bro, man that is heavy stuff!  Wouldn’t you know it though the darn thing is really good at hiding from astronomers, maybe it has like a built in cloaking device or something.

However, it wasn’t until 1995 that a Wisconsin woman named Nancy Lieder suggested that this planet, called Nibiru, was on a collision course with Earth. Originally she claimed it would hit the earth in 2003 but when that didn’t happen conspiracy theorists quickly tied it to the end of the Mayan calendar on December 21st cause you know that date was next in line with prophetic doomsday prophecies so I’m sure it was a simply miscalculation initially is all?


  • Hindu god on a Rampage

Prince Lord Kalki, the tenth and final avatar of Vishnu, is foretold to appear at the end of our current epoch (called “Kali Yuga”). According to the Hindu religious text Vishnu Purana, he will appear on top of a white horse carrying a sword of fire, ready to expunge the world of evildoers and allow for a new age of true enlightenment.

The arrival date regarding the appearance of Kalki varies greatly according to who’s calculating it, but some sources believe it was due to happen in early 2012, when the moon, sun, Venus and Jupiter entered the same astrological sign.  Missed the boat on that one I guess, strike one on Kalki!  However, if he does arrive, the avatar of Vishnu may find he has competition from around a dozen other people in the world who already claim to be Lord Kalki and evidently are just waiting for the right time to usher in the period of enlightenment while in the short term mingle among the common folk I gather.


  • Magnetic pole reversal – “you turn me upside down”

Roughly around 800,000 years ago, north was actually south.  I think I just had a brain freeze that made sway east to west or whatever!  That’s a science fact, sorry the former and not the latter.  This is because the magnetic poles of the Earth reverse themselves every so often (switch), which geophysicists think is a result of the flow of liquid iron in the planetary core.  In fact, magnetic north has been moving by about 40 miles annually in the last few years – much faster than the 10 miles a year in the early 20th century.  That got your attention I bet!

A truly fast pole reversal – ala the movie “2012″ – could certainly cause earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions and be all she wrote for the human race.  However, the good news is that it just doesn’t happen, or at least it’s never happened in the Earth’s 4.5 billion-year history.  So NASA says but do you really trust those guys & gals?  But hey, there’s a first time for everything and 2012 is just a good (or bad) as any other year I might add.

This piece was provided by Jacamo.


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