Want to look like Tony Soprano with an oversized shirt dominating your appearance? Want to scare people who walk behind you as they worry that the dragon sewed into the back of your shirt is about to jump out at them and steal their chips? Want to play darts in front of thousands of unfit, ugly fans, who all worship your hypnotizing belly? If so, I suggest you leave this place and never come back. Your IP address is surrounded.
Shirts. Who would have thought it could be so hazardous? Here’s a quick run down of how to do it right so you don’t look like a tent that has just run amok from an ancient Indian burial ground.
Go for it. Just promise there will be no dragons or wolves. Stick to an adequately abstract design and you’ll be in business. These shirts go well with jeans or corduroy and if the weather calls for it, a buttoned down jacket to seal the deal.
The Deep V-Neck/ Granddad T-shirt
I don’t mean to sound cruel but if I do it’s because I am. Do not wear one of these unless you’re built like an Adonis. The last thing the poor people of the world need to see is you bouncing down the road looking like a jacket potato. Again, this shirt will go with denim and even with a cool shirt over it.
The Dress Shirt
If you have to wear one of these be sure to iron the damn thing. Wedding guests want to enjoy band and not turn around to see Mick Jagger’s face getting sweaty over you on the dance floor. Treat it with starch, if wearing a tie, button the shirt to the top, and of course, tuck it in every single time. Do I need to remind you not to have you tie around you head by the end of the night?
The Polo Shirt
My favourite. A good fit and colour means you will always look good. Lacoste, Fred Perry, Ralf Lauren, everyone does them so keep it simple and wear with jeans, white trousers in the summer, canvas trainers or even suitable shoes. You don’t want to be wearing this apparel head to toe or you’ll be one step away from sipping Pimm’s on your horse with a polo stick up your ass.
So, there you have it. Simples. How could you possible mess this one up? Very easily I reckon! Just stay away from Saturday Night Fever for the remainder of the summer and you might come out of the season relatively unscathed.
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